Faith and fear cannot coexist, faith and fear cannot coexist, faith and fear cannot coexist. Maybe if I say it enough times I’ll believe it. I express my deepest fear in times like this, 4:10 am without a hint of sleep in the panorama. In moments like these the noises of society are shut, the fake sense of security can’t be displayed for the only one that can see it knows it is nothing more than a façade. I have to admit that I have falsely accused insomnia of attacking my peace; fear is the true perpetrator. I’m only twenty-four days away from turning twenty-three and I don’t know where life is heading. As a Latina, there is this unreal pressure placed on your finger to have an engagement ring, your womb to bear children, your mind to be plastered on a degree and your days to be succumbed to the will of a husband. I have not achieved none of the above. To not live up to expectations of my family equals to telling my grandpa that you’re a communist (clue: he wouldn’t like it). I run away from commitment and break away from restrictions. It is in the silence that the sound of disappointment echoes in my mind.
Here is also where I realize that I need to accept who I am; who God has called me to be. That being wired differently doesn’t make my life a short-circuit. The approval of thousands doesn’t compare to one look of my Lover. So I will continue to run away from the commitment of living up to expectations, I will continue to break away from the restrictions that place God’s plans in last place. When this fear keeps you up at night it tells you that you will lose it all, that you will find yourself on your own, without a hand extended to help you up. So we hide it even more, in hopes that it will be silent. It pulls you away from God, making fear seem like a strong contender against God. In this fight for highest honor (we already know who wins), we decide the outcome over our life. As we abandon fear, we allow God to be with us, strengthen us, and be the hand that upholds us.
I decide to be fearless in reference to the fear that chained me, and chose the fear of God that shelters me. A fear that allows us to see the whole world crumbling before us yet find safety in the fortress of God’s power. What greatest place to set our trust than in the hands of the one who took on flesh to salvage us from a sin-filled world. Today, your life may not be where you planned or where others expected it to be but don’t be shaken. Wait and fear He who is greater than any storm.
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