Darlin Co

Impaciente

Darlin Co
Impaciente

            I live in Florida, the state of endless construction (Palmetto has been “almost” ready since I moved here 15 years ago), and snappy people. I blame it on three things:

-This is not supposed to be a habitable place; we basically live in a swamp.

-The weather is bipolar; it’s 100 degrees while it starts pouring and a cloud of humidity steals your last breath.

-We’re impatient; I want my cortadito now, not in two minutes.

I fit in very well here. I strongly dislike to wait. I strongly dislike to not know how to get somewhere. I strongly dislike how impatient I am. All of these are not the best combination when God tells you: wait. When I knew God was calling me to wait I didn’t think, “Lord, I will wait for you until the end of times”, instead I immediately started to seek alternative routes that would conduce to my destination in less time, without traffic, without tolls. The joy it is to know that God is sovereign and a merciful Father, that even in the midst of my doubt, He has given me the grace and strength to wait. I can’t say I’m no longer one that longs to know the answer to everything but I have found a substantial gift in remaining in his time.

 

Do Not Dwell

            We hate waiting because we already have a plan set in our hearts, and to not see that plan flourish in our time translates to our life going down the drain. We’re wrong. I have found myself shouting in joy when I see why my desires weren’t met. I remember a time where I contemplated how God could turn a life-draining relationship into a healthy one, I prayed for a happy ending and searched for any way to not let go of those four years. When that was taken away from me I turned away from God. I averted my eyes from His promises, healing and guidance. Turns out God didn’t take something that belonged to me away, I simply failed to wait for Him in the first place. It took for me to change my definition of waiting from expecting my requests to be met to actively trusting, delighting, committing myself, being still, and waiting for the Lord [Psalm 37:3-7]. This Psalm might seem like something only somebody going through a good circumstance can say, but it was written by David. A man who defeated, committed adultery, killed, lost, was betrayed by his son and closest counselor, and came very close to being killed by those who hated him. Yet in his old age, he can assure us that it comes down to trusting God. He knew what it was to do his will and fail with the same familiarity he saw the Lord be glorified through his constant surrendering of flesh and acceptance of grace. If we don’t first realize that we know nothing, we can’t acknowledge that God knows everything. Your plans have a vision as far as the future; God’s plans, beyond your knowledge and experience, travel as far as eternity. Being somebody who resided in her own will for far too long, I ask you to find the unending joy of moving on. Trade in suffering and hurt for treasures of grace.

 

It’s Not About You

            The gospel is not about your story; the gospel is Christ. What you achieve, what you receive, what you expect is unimportant. It is not our works that bring us to the Father because if that was our idea, we would be placing the grace received through the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus below us. I learned that I was my own idol. I was asking God “why” so often that I simply seemed like a spoiled child who wasn’t getting the candy she wanted (if you know me, I am not very pleasing when I’m hungry). He is not a rich Father who satisfies our ego and submits to our tantrums while rescuing us from damnation, He is Christ. The purpose, goal, and the reason for our waiting is Christ. We are the bride, waiting for the groom. This means waiting in purity, holiness, with a heart expectant to be with Him forever. We can’t be a bride who seeks others lovers, who “waits” while fornicating with our own desires, who takes off the ring when going into the world, who tells the groom she loves him while repeating the same phrase to others. My impatience in waiting rooted from not desiring God in the first place. I was searching for temporary satisfactions rather than everlasting fulfillment. A fulfillment so constant as the unending enjoyment of the search and discovery of our Lord. So let’s turn our prayers from requests to delighting, desiring, conforming and committing our way and will to him. If your desire to wait is Christ, then your life will be a reflection of that desire.

 

            All we have to do is hold on. Be jealous of your heart, don’t prostitute it to the fantasies this world promises. Ask yourself who am I really waiting for? Am I willing to let go of my ways to submit to his? What am I waiting for? Waiting in God is not always the easiest route but it is the only route that leads to Him. My nature is to be impatient but God’s nature is knitted in grace and mercy. Nothing sets me apart from you, for we are all able to abound in his steadfast love and forgiveness.

 

Con toda mi ALMA.